that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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