i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
