none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
