I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
