One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
