maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize