Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
