So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
