I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
