Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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