morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
