My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FUCK WHALES
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
