if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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