so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
