she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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