K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
