Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
