I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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