ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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