My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
