I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
