wakey wakey hands off snakey
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
