You work out of a Hotel?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
