OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need water and some morals
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
