every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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