I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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