So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
