I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize