PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
