watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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