the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
