remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
