please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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