They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
