look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize