Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
