Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
