I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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