guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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