I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
