You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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