I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
