Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
