forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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