Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize