I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
