please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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