remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
