First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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