dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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