I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
