Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im holly from the hills drunk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
