You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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