either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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