please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize