o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
