I think I won the penis lottery.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
