I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
