omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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