He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
