I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
