I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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