I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
