I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
