We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
