when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
