I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
