I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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