Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
