I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
