Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
