So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
