Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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