I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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