and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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