dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
