I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
