New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
