I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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