just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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