maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize