Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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