Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
