I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
