Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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