2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
