if only i could text you this smell
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
