he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
