I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
