To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
