wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize