but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize