I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
