ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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