We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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