How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
