I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
