i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
