I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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