She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
