My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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