All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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