Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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