I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
