i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
