life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize