That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
