Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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