and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
