don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
