I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
